This was a journal entry that was made during my time in the interpersonal communication class. The purpose of this entry was to take a conversation from every day life and apply the skills of understanding what the language was meaning. I was able to identify several behaviors in the conversation on both my wifes and my own part.
Wife: So what do you think of my sister’s fiancé?
Me: He’s okay I guess, why?
Wife: I don’t think I like him.
Me: Why is that?
Wife: He’s just annoying. They’ve not been together very long, and they decide to get married, and on top of that he’s so weird.
Me: Well, he has tourettes syndrome and I’m almost positive he has undiagnosed Aspergers syndrome. I could see where you would think he’s strange though…
Wife: So you don’t like him either?
Me: I didn’t say that…
Wife: You didn’t not say it…
Me: Are you serious?
Wife: Yeah, I can see how you react to him when he is around.
Me: Okay, strangeness aside, no I don’t like him. He has so many issues that he refuses to address. I’m not saying he can help his problems, but he has to attempt at least. Since I’ve known him he has confided in me, even though logic would dictate he shouldn’t, especially when discussing our family. Beyond his mental differences, the guy is twenty seven and is still very much a “momma’s boy”, to the point he has to go to her to be told what to say or do at times.
Wife: um, okay…so you don’t like him…
This conversation occurred today in the car on our way home from my wife’s grandmother’s house. The conversation was with my wife regarding the upcoming nuptials of her sister and her fiancé. The wedding is less than a week away and my wife is in full on panic mode because she hates the man her sister is marrying. I found that ingratiation was present in the way I dealt with the questions originally. I attempted to influence what my wife perceived of how I thought of my future brother-in-law. There was possibly a bit of exemplification on my part when I was attempting to take the high road and not address the issues. It seemed that my wife used coercive power to try to influence me into answering in the negative about her sister’s fiancé. I then displayed a bit of expert power by attempting to explain why I thought he is the way he is. Not that I’m actually an expert on such things, but I was projecting the appearance (and somewhat educated opinion) that I knew what I was talking about regarding Aspergers, tourettes, etc. The only compliance seeking strategies that I was able to pinpoint was the direct request of my wife asking for my opinion and then the manipulation of my wife putting words in my mouth so as to generate a reaction on my part, and in turn find out my actual opinion. I could possibly be seen as withdrawing when I didn’t immediately want to answer the questions given to me.
If a different strategy were employed to attempt to coerce my opinion, chances are we would have begun arguing about something completely unrelated. Hostility generally elicits an illogical emotional response by the receiver which, in many cases, draws out other underlying issues that the two conversationalists have with each other. (This is strictly from life experience.)
Goal seeking behaviors such as manipulation, threats, or aggressiveness can create a climate of distrust and ill will towards the possessor of these behaviors. On the other hand, the goal seeking behaviors of exemplification and ingratiation are examples of more positive, relationship building behaviors. I do believe that every behavior has its time and place. I had previously written in the discussion forum that I believed that withdrawing was useless. I now wish to recant that statement. I have found that withdrawal serves a very real and important purpose in that, for example, battered women getting up the courage to walk away need to possess the ability to withdraw and get away from the aggressor. Another example would be where threats sometimes keep a potential aggressor at bay and therefore it protects the user.
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